If Facebook Crashed

It’s been a while hasn’t it. Firstly, it feels good to know that I’m not merely talking to myself. Google Analytics has informed me that there are strange people visiting this site (one of them is actually from Turkey! Really?). Thank you for that.

So, the other day I got back pretty late from college and it was like about 11.30PM by the time I had finished winding down, curled up in my bed, and started to check my mail. There’s always something delicious about not having checked your mail the whole day and knowing that when you do, there’s going to be a nice sweet pile which you’ll have to sift through. As expected, there was mail to read, spam to trash, invitations to ignore, and Facebook to respond. I always have a tendency to check Facebook last, because, I’m like that!

Click. Facebook doesn’t respond.

Apparently, my profile wasn’t accessible due to site maintenance, which was about to take a “few hours.” Now, I don’t consider myself a Facebook addict. Then again, neither do the addicts. But, seriously, I’m someone who can easily go weeks on end without Facebook. But what’s also true is that the longer the departure, the sweeter the return. So is it that the only reason one likes to be away from Facebook as in my case is because coming back to it will be more justifiable?

Think about it. What if, your profile on Facebook just crashed. Everybody else’s is still right on track, but only your profile for some reason is inaccessible. I felt horrible knowing that others (as MSN chatting proved) were happily floating through Facebook while I was on the outer loop, being bounced off by some frenzied electric firewall which wouldn’t let me in. Time was ticking and I needed that 10 minute Facebook fix of replying, commenting, and being on Facebook before boarding the Dream Express for the next busy day that was waiting to unfold.

You’ll never see me on Facebook for more than an hour at a stretch. Never. If you do, let me know because I think someone maybe just be Facebook-raping me! I drop in and out but never remain there long like some idle plant with a green dot saying online, because, I’m like that!

Now step out of your shoes and imagine if Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook, said “I’m bored. I know, I’ll play the game ‘to pull or not pull the plug’ ” and literally shuts Facebook down. What will you do? What will others do? What will the world do?

No big fuss really; in a month there’ll be a “new” Facebook with some catchy title like MyFace, Stalker, ICU, or Yo! But, in the moment it takes for this to occur, that time lag, do not you think that there will be utter chaos?

Can you remember the time when there wasn’t Facebook? Now, you’re probably thinking ‘why did I ever use the Internet before, again?’ Won’t you feel it? That big black hole in you; a missing space like some void in Star Trek created by a weird Sci-Fi Black Hole. Look at that, your pupils are already dilating; your eyes are becoming glassy as terror encroaches. How will you communicate with your peeps who are borders away? Back to MSN and solely on Skype, or even worse, E-MAIL—how does that work!

How will you vent when you feel like crap because Life was a bully today, changing your status solely on Twitter ?

Imagine the carnage and devastation faced by millions of adolescents and adults who will be affected by the crash. Forced to live hours on end without pseudo-human contact. Traumatised teenagers will be hit the most by the catastrophe. Can’t you just see it, authorities rescuing more and more teenagers in vegetative states as a result of the trauma caused by claustrophobic isolation. The audacity!

But most importantly, how will you survive this tragedy? How will you deal with not knowing what’s “happening” in your social bubble when you can’t go into your “stalker mode?” Oh please! Don’t look around, you know who you are. How will people, groups, businesses, organizations, media, and countries react to it? World War 3 in the horizon or is that a tad bit too far?

What would become of the poor Atheistic Harvard drop-out Mark? Would he be more hated than Hitler, and be hounded by a million strong rioters and protesters? Will he be locked up in some secure bunker, never to be seen in society again but only to be known as the “guy who killed Facebook”? Remember, he gave birth to it too. Out of 330 million Facebook users, yes 330 million, more than half of them check Facebook everyday! There’s a lot to think about.

What would really happen if Facebook crashed right after you read this? Adieu.

Next Week: “You fake bitch! Get real!” –A True Story.

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